WARNING: This film contains imagery of anorexia and eating disorders that may be disturbing to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.
“Hey, let’s go on a diet together.” As kids in a small Quebec town, Eisha and Seema were more than sisters, they were soul mates, and a joint diet offered a shared sense of purpose.
But their carefree project would take a dark turn, pushing Eisha to the very brink of death. Consumed by anorexia, she found herself battling her own fragile body—stranded between childhood and adulthood.
Decades later, she revisits her past in an exquisitely crafted work of auto-ethnography, evoking her unusual youth with aching lyricism. In addressing a tender love letter to the troubled girl she once was, she reaches contemporary audiences with a timely reflection on body image and self-acceptance.
WARNING: This film contains imagery of anorexia and eating disorders that may be disturbing to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.
“Hey, let’s go on a diet together.” More than sisters, Eisha and Seema were soul mates, the only Punjabi kids in their small Quebec town. A joint diet seemed like a fun idea.
But their carefree summer project took a dark turn, pushing Eisha to the brink of death. Gradually consumed by anorexia, she found herself stranded in a spectral grey zone between childhood and womanhood—at war with a fragile adolescent body.
Decades later, as a seasoned writer and auteur filmmaker, Eisha revisits her youth in an exquisitely crafted work of auto-ethnography, evoking her turbulent adolescence with aching lyricism while shedding new light on the complex subject of eating disorders.
Riffing inventively on teen scrapbook aesthetics, she employs an array of narrative elements, juxtaposing home movies and holiday snapshots with re-enactments of cherished childhood memories and startling medical footage from her time in a Montreal hospital.
Woven throughout are playful visual references to the 1980s, the era of designer jeans and Brooke Shields—and a time when countless fitness and diet fads played on the aspirations and insecurities of body-conscious young girls.
In an age of TikTok and Instagram, when pervasive digital media is amplifying body-image concerns, Eisha Marjara’s unusual coming-of-age story resonates with more relevance than ever. In crafting a love letter to the girl she once was, she reaches out to contemporary audiences with a timely message of self-acceptance.
Growing up was hard for me. Turning 11 was not welcome. It was letting go, leaving behind, saying goodbye. It was grief after grief. Leaving childhood happened without my permission. My body called the shots and there was nothing I could do about it. Until I lost weight. I had stopped the clock, stopped my body, and that was the most powerful thing ever.
The title of the film comes from a question I asked a psychiatrist when I was at my lowest weight. I took pride in being skinny, shockingly skinny. I had taken absolute control over my body. It was the middle finger to nature, to turning into a woman. I had found the elixir to all my problems. I was not about to let that go; instead, I held on tighter, fatally so.
Girls turn their bodies into projects all the time. Be it changing their hair, their makeup, their clothes, their weight—shaping their identities endlessly, religiously. Erasing parts of themselves and inventing something better, happier, prettier, skinnier, fairer. Creating something perfect. Because girls are constantly told that they are not good enough, that they are simply not enough. Some girls like me were under the influence of such messages more than others. For me the circumstances were ripe. I was the ideal candidate for anorexia.
I am intrigued by origin stories. How things happened, what the circumstances were that led to one’s “big moment.” That first weight loss was from a diet my little sister Seema and I went on over one summer when we were teens. She stopped the diet, and I could not stop. We went our separate ways and my life changed forever after that.
I want to tell my story to connect to girls who are going through something similar and to women who once did. My story is not unique to me. It is the song to which girls and women sing. The film is an ode to the experience of turning from caterpillar to butterfly. The pain and contortions of leaving childhood and becoming a grown-up woman.
Writer and Director
EISHA MARJARA
Producer
JOE BALASS
Producer
ARIEL NASR
Executive Producers
JOE BALASS
ROHAN FERNANDO
ANNETTE CLARKE
JOHN CHRISTOU
Editor
KARA BLAKE
Director of Photography
ARIANE LORRAIN
Production Designer
PAOLA RIDOLFI
Original Music
GAËTAN GRAVEL
Sound Design
SACHA RATCLIFFE
Featuring
REBECCA ABLACK
POOJA DHANAK
BIRVA PANDYA
LEYANI KURERA
and
SEEMA MARJARA
DEVINDER MARJARA
AMITA MARJARA
HARINDER MARJARA
Production Managers
SEBASTIEN RIST
MONA MAARABANI
1st Assistant Directors
AYESHA SHEIKH
TAMARA SEGURA
Assistant to Ariane Lorrain
SOHA EBRAHIMZANDI
1st Assistant Camera
JOSEPH TAUBER
2nd Assistant Camera
MIGUEL TEMPLON
Additional Assistant Camera
ERIN WEISGERBER
Lead Electric
CASPAR WOLSKI
Gaffer
RAZAN ALSALAH
Grips
CHADY AWAD
LOUIS CLOUTIER
Additional Grip
VIRGILE RATELLE
Narration
EISHA MARJARA
Story Consultant
JOE BALASS
Illustrations
EISHA MARJARA
Graphic Design and Animation
KARA BLAKE
Assistant Art Directors
MATHILDE DONNARD
PHIL GAUVIN
Costumes
MARIE-FLORENCE GAGNON
Make-up
CATHERINE LAVOIE
Hair
RON WOLFE
Production and Art Department Assistant
ASIA MASON
COVID-19 Coordinator
ANTHONY DUBÉ
Production Assistants
PEDDY MULTIDOR
ANTHONY DUBÉ
SAFIA DIANI-MERCIER
ELYA MYERS
Still Photography
SOHA EBRAHIMZANDI
Research
EISHA MARJARA
JOE BALASS
Archival Research & Clearances
NANCY MARCOTTE
PAMELA GRIMAUD
ARCHIVES
EISHA MARJARA, Personal Family Archives
NFB ARCHIVES, including excerpts from:
Perception: Structure or Flow (1971), Your Move (1973),
Le Contrôle du poids – no 11 (1978), Canada Vignettes: Love on Wheels (1979),
La peau et les os (1988), Metamorphosis (2018).
ARCHIVES RADIO-CANADA
CLICK AMERICANA
FOOTAGE FARM LTD.
GUDRUN PARKER ESTATE
iSTOCK by GETTY IMAGES
POND5
PRELINGER LIBRARY & ARCHIVES
RETRO ADARCHIVES / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO
CALVIN KLEIN JEANS AD
Featuring: Patti Hansen, Photo: Richard Avedon (1979)
BROOKE SHIELDS JEANSWEAR COLLECTION AD
Seventeen (August 1985)
DOROTHY STRATTON (1980)
Photo: William and Susan Lachasse
JORDACHE JEANS COMMERCIAL (1983)
Jordache Enterprises
OSTERIZER BLENDER COOKBOOK (1970)
John Oster Division, Filtro Electric Limited
SCRATCH N’ SNIFF STICKERS (1980)
Trend Enterprises
DUNCAN HINES CAKE MIX (1978)
Conagra Brands
:20 MINUTE WORKOUT WITH BESS MOTTA (1984)
Creator: Ron Harris. Citytv. Tantra Entertainment in association with Nelvana
WEIGHT REDUCTION THROUGH DIET (1951)
National Dairy Council
SILKIENCE HAIR & BODY CARE COMMERCIAL (1980)
Gillette, Procter & Gamble, Evergreen Consumer Brands
Music Clearances
PETER MARTINELLI-BUNZL
LUDIVINE LAVENANT
Music Coordinator
JOE BALASS
Additional Music
“GREAT PAUSE”
Written and performed by:
William Ryan Fritch (SOCAN)
Published by: William Ryan Fritch (SOCAN)
Courtesy of: William Ryan Fritch
“PARTY MONSTER”
Written and composed by: Tranna Wintour (SOCAN),
Mark Andrew Hamilton (SOCAN)
Performed by: Tranna Wintour (SOCAN)
Published by: Black Label Music
Courtesy of: BAM Music (bammusic.com)
“JE VEUX TOUTE TOUTE
TOUTE LA VIVRE MA VIE”
Written and performed by: Angèle Arsenault (SOCAN)
Published by: Les éditions Angèle Arsenault (SOCAN)
Courtesy of: Ray-On
“RASIK BALMA”
Written and composed by: Hasrat Jaipuri, Shankar Singh Ram
Singh Raghuvanshi, Jaikishan Dayabhai Panchal
Performed by: Lata Mangeshkar
Published by: Saregama Music United States (BMI)
Courtesy of: The Royalty Network Inc.
“LANKAN”
Written and performed by: Ben Medcalf (SOCAN)
Published by: Anger Music Library (SOCAN)
Courtesy of: BAM Music (bammusic.com)
“LOCOMOTO”
Written and performed by: Anna Elizabeth Hetherington (SOCAN)
Published by: Thermal Music (SOCAN)
Courtesy of: BAM Music (bammusic.com)
“SOFTER LOVER”
Written and composed by: Gaëtan Gravel (SOCAN),
Patrice Dubuc (SOCAN)
Performed by: Luna Garden (SOCAN)
Published by: Ho-Tune Musique (SOCAN)
Courtesy of: Ray-On
“SHE’S GOT IT”
Written and performed by: Daniel Paul Kramer (SOCAN),
Annie Sparrows (SOCAN)
Published by: Black Label Music (SOCAN)
Courtesy of: BAM Music (bammusic.com)
Stock music provided by
Tailwind Licensing, from Pond5
Ray Music Productions, from Pond5
Accounting
ANUJ KHOSLA
Insurance
BFL CANADA
Legal Services
STEPHANE MORAILLE
Bank
NATIONAL BANK OF CANADA
FOR THE NATIONAL FILM BOARD OF CANADA
Production Supervisor
ROZ POWER
Technical Coordinators
DANIEL LORD
CHRIS MACINTOSH
JULIEN ARCHAMBAULT
Online Editor
SERGE VERREAULT
End Credit Design
MÉLANIE BOUCHARD
Re-Recording
JEAN PAUL VIALARD
Narration Recording
GEOFFREY MITCHELL
Digital Editing Technicians
PATRICK TRAHAN
PIERRE DUPONT
MARIE-JOSÉE GOURDE
ALBERT KURIAN
Sound Technician
BERNARD BELLEY
Senior Production Coordinator
CHERYL MURGATROYD
Production Coordinator
YANIS AIT MOHAMED
Studio Administrator
LESLIE ANNE POYNTZ
Marketing Manager
JAMIE HAMMOND
Marketing Coordinator
HARMONIE HEMMING
Publicist
OSAS EWEKA-SMITH
Legal Counsel
CHRISTIAN PITCHEN
Special Thanks
Harinder Marjara, Amita Marjara, Alison Burns, Munro Ferguson, Kathy Sperberg, Aonan Yang, Barbara Shrier, Karan Singh, Stephane Tousignant, Krishna Anaberi, Dorita Shemie, Janique Beauchamp, Rosina Bucci, Nancy Fattal, Emmanuel Hessler, Emily Klama, Stéphanie L’Écuyer, Michèle Leclerc, Marise May, Nathalie Michel, Lea Nakonechny, Viral & Hetal Pandya, Julia Parker, Martha Parker, Julie Patry, Rick Prelinger, David Ritchie, Khanna Ronnie, Michelle van Beusekom, Ville de Saint-Lambert, the staff of the Point-Saint-Charles YMCA.
© 2024, Compass Productions Inc. / 9466-7565 Québec Inc. and the National Film Board of Canada